Do-Overs

Ever really wondered what it is all for? Have you wished that you have been granted one "do-over" in life? Would you even use it? I had a few friends over this past week, one of whom I really enjoy having a conversation with because he asks interesting questions. Sipping on our drinks he asked me if I would do it all again, would I use a do-over in life. Of course I thought in an immediate reaction to his question yes I would, but the more I thought about it the more my hesitancy grew. To do it all over again, that would mean I would be erasing my character that I have today. Granted there are times without a moments hesitation I would have made better decisions, picked better friends, and aimed higher then I did. I guess that sounds like I would use a do-over! But when it comes down to it, because I chose in areas poorly, I also chose wisely in others. Even if I used a do-over it isn't a guarantee that I would make better choices. It would be a new slate, that would inevitably be tarnished with bad decisions. Hindsight is always 20/20, and is a blessing and a curse. After much consideration, I said no I don't think I would use a do over. I am what I am today because of the decisions and experiences, I would erase my character rather it would be better or worse on a chance of something that is a maybe. The more I think about it, we do have a do-over. Every morning I wake up I have a do-over. A chance to try something different to learn from past mistakes and to aim higher is what each day is presented with. Such possibilities is what makes up life. A trail and error so to speak. So I do a do over every time I crawl my lazy ass out of bed. What can I do that is better then yesterday. What goals have I set for myself. I am trying not to do the old cliche of 'where do you see yourself in 5years' for some reason I think that is a set up for failure to me. Its all I can do to get through the day with the things I want to accomplish. (especially if you have a child that is in constant need of attention!) So my do-overs are short, day-by-day experiences. Of course I day dream of what it would be like if I never married, or had a kid. I see friends of mine with great career success and envy them just a little. I have always thought that would have been my path. I guess it takes a certain kind of strength to be the different one, and continue down the road that I have chosen. All in all, life is a constant do over, how we chose to use these is entirely up to us. Good, bad, or ugly the responsibility is ours alone.

A Sad Story

It amazes me that the world we live is so full of evil that its even possible to coexist with it. I am referring to the worst evil, the evil that takes the life of a child. I was greeted with the sad story of a two year old that froze to death in nothing but a -shirt and diapers. Apparently, the father, (not sure it was his real daughter) woke up and left the bedroom and the 2yr old followed him. I guess the 2 yr saw that this man was molesting the other daughter, and when the man realized he was being watched punched the little girl out cold and took her body and left it somewhere. The sad thing is that the little girl woke up to this freezing cold, and walked to a park where she died from the cold. My heart is enraged! Words cannot express the venom I feel at this! The mother woke up and asked the guy where her baby girl was and he told her that someone kidnapped her. The story fell through and the boyfriend confessed. I cannot imagine the pain that this mother is going through or the guilt for not protecting her little one. For a while this has just put me in such a rotten mood. I actually cried for this little girl, what a way to end. Such evil in this world horrifies me. To have it happen to an innocent child, there is no forgiveness in it. To this man that committed this great sin, I hope that justice will be served ten fold. To the little girl's family, my thoughts and prayers are for them.

Dreams

Ever wake up in the night with your heart pounding, sweat on your forehead, and wondering what the hell was that? For the past week or so I have had dreams of tornados. Now, don't laugh, but I have always seen these types of dreams as a premonitions of sorts. It all depends on my reaction to them that determines what is to come. Lately they have been on the dark side. The one I had last night was awful!
I was in some hotel and I looked into the sky and everything was black. Not the black you see in a normal sky, but black that sucks all light from it's presence. I watched in horror as not one, but several came down at once. I remember feeling the power of them and running from the room calling out my daughter's name. I couldn't find her. The room was shaking and the noise was snuffing out my screams. I turned around to see Sienna playing by the door that I had just closed. Fear gripped my insides as I lunged for her. As I reached out to grab her, the door flung open revealing that the place or room I was in was no longer on the ground but swirling mad in a sea of blackness. My eyes locked onto Sienna's back and timed slowed. Everything I had in me went into the effort of grabbing my daughter before she was taken from me. It wasn't going to happen, not my baby girl. I felt relief close on me as I felt the familiar of my daughter nuzzled into my breast as I bent around her protectively. Never my daughter! I opened my eyes to see the tornado still had us in it's grip. But I was no longer frightened. I had her safe, it was okay now.
I remember riding it through and I don't remember how I got back on the ground, but I was there with my daughter. Still looking at the sky, marveling at the tornados around me. I remember seeing the destruction happening to others around me. Houses were ripped from their resting places, papers cutting through wood and in the midst of it all I was untouched. I felt sorrow, I began to cry. I had my daughter, that was all that mattered.......
.......................................................I woke up