One Words

I had a few hours to myself yesterday and it was lovely! Aaron took Sienna over to grandmas and that was that. So what did I do with such precious time? I cleaned for a few minutes then realized what a dummy I was for pissing away freedom. I found myself in my much loved art room. My room, where I use to write, sketch and read when I didn't want to be disturbed. It was such a zen like feeling that I couldn't help but pour myself a glass of wine, and just sit still for a moment. It was then my attention got caught by a book that I had bought over a year earlier and hadn't opened the cover. It was one of those how to books to enhance creativity. I couldn't help but smile to myself. It's so typical of me, got a problem? There is a book to fix it. I am a book whore and my art room would convict me of just that. I sat back and got lost in how to build creativity and self confidence in the world of art. One word kept popping up like an unwanted ex professing his love for me, the word I fear. Practice. Yup one word, books upon books saying the same thing. Practice. Why do I fear it? Another word. Commitment. This entry is a word game! Yes, I am afraid of commitment. Why? Yup thats right another word. Failure. There I said the F word. FAILURE. Why would I fear that? Two reasons really, failure if I put in all that "Practice" and my creativeness amounts that to a three year old, or failure of succeeding because I have and still am wasting time one something that could have transformed my life in some way. Damned if you do damned if you don't, kind of thing. So what did I do, I went back to cleaning. When I am faced with the truth I usually turn from it and pretend I didn't see it. Funny thing is, that never works. Its like that annoying itch that never goes away and you just can't quite reach it. Realizing that to deny myself the pleasure of creating something, anything is denying myself to live. So what if I fail, its the act of doing that gives the strength to overcome such words as practice, commitment, and failure. It was then I got inspired to take action. I focused on getting my art room back and ready so when those few moments of free time happen, I will be able to cash in on the opportunity of expression.

*The picture of the lighthouse is my first attemp with watercolors.*